Sue Schipiro discusses Yom Kippur and what she’s learned by interviewing people about forgiveness and apologies.
Those of us who observe contemplate any harm weve caused and open ourselves to those who mightve slighted us.
In fact,tradition dictatesthat someone might ask for forgiveness as many as three times.
If the injured party doesnt forgive, they are forgiven anywayand the non-forgiver has to atone for withholding absolution.
According to theAmerican Psychological Association, forgiveness isnt the same as justice.
In short:forgiveness helps you more than the other party.
Joseph Krakoff, senior director of the Jewish Hospice and Chaplaincy Network
Knowing all of this doesnt mean forgiveness is easy.
No one goes through life without requiring it.
Its something you work towards.
Though Weinstein publicly expressed forgiveness, he says hes glad the driver was convicted and sentenced.
He found some contentment from knowing there were consequences, and theyd likely never see each other again.
Weinstein was able to rely on the court system and started using his experience to help others.
He was exiled from his country at 12-years old during the Bosnian genocide.
Filled with a need for retribution, Trebincevic found that speaking out against atrocities felt empowering.
In his hospice work, Rabbi Krakoff asks dying relatives to tell their kin: You are forgiven.
Joseph Krakoff, senior director of the Jewish Hospice and Chaplaincy Network
Do you forgive me?
For Trebincevic, forgiveness was something he had to work toward and, ultimately, claim.
He discovered that Pero had post-traumatic stress disorder because of the war.
They are now married with a newborn son.
Sometimes we need to look inward to forgive ourselves
Forgiveness isnt passive.
It requires effort and a commitment to seeing things differently.
Before you could really forgive, you have to understand and accept what happened to you, Burdick says.
But sometimes, the hardest part is knowing that youre worthy of granting yourself a little grace.
Many people who have been hurt hold themselves hostage with blame and regrets, Burdick says.
This Yom Kippur, along with extending kindness and compassion to others, you should alsoforgive yourself.
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