I tell parents of transgender children that choosing unconditional love is always right.
It sets the groundwork for an authentic life.
Would I do this right?
Holding my newborn baby and looking into those deep, dark eyes, I simply fell in love.
Everything else fell away.
Love became the groundwork in which our new relationship would grow.
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Most parents holdexpectationsfor their childrenat least, I have not met one who does not.
Perhaps it is for our child to be successful in a career and financially prosperous.
Perhaps the expectation is for them to love and be loved.
Or maybe it is purely the hope that they will grow up to be happy.
But what if your child is not happy?
What if something deeper is brewing, causing them to feel conflict within themselves?
These deeper feelings are not always so easily identifiable.
Six years ago, my 17-year-old son decided to come out to me.
He istransgender(FTM, female-to-male).
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That night I felt the depth and conviction of unconditional love.
In my case, to tell me they are not my daughter but my son?
After a momentary shock, thinking in my head,Did I hear that correctly?
My love had no conditions and certainly did not stop in that moment.
That is what love is.
All I knew is that I did not want to lose my child.
According toThe Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youth represent as much as 40 percent of the homeless youth population.
Of that population, studies indicate that as many as 60 percent are likely toattempt suicide.
Familyrejectionis cited as the leading factor in these statistics.
I decided to opt out of letting my family become a statistic.
In one brief moment, my heart rose to the occasion in a way that would change our lives.
Love surmounted all else, including any previous or future expectations I held for my child.
Except onethe hope for him to be happy.
Soon after, my emotions were tested againgrieving the loss of the child I thought I knew.
This quietly surfaced and then subsided, as he spent the next year transitioning.
My worry for his ability to find happiness is not different than any other mothers.
But I added the worry that being transgender might be a harder road to navigate.
Sometimes it is, especially when family acceptance is missing.
My love for him only deepened as I watched him step more fully into himself.
Love, without any bounds, is the foundation for an authentically lived life.
I can only believe it gives us the strength to be our true selves.
My love for him only deepened as I watched him step more fully into himself.
A few weeks after our initial conversation, we had lunch together.
I have only one request, I said to my son.
Walkdont runinto this, and I will walk with you.
I set out to educating myself on all things transgender.
I championed my sons right to live as he lives, authentically and truthfully.
In the midst of this transition, my life felt muddled at times.
It was all new territory for me, accompanying a big learning curve.
But at the end of the day, there isnt anything I would change.
It took bravery from my son to live life on his own terms.
They are searching for guidance, support, and simply the best way to love their kids.
My best advice is two-fold.
First, at some point, I realized my son had been with me all along.
It happened quietly and incrementally.
I no longer thought of a time before transition or looked back at photographs with any sense of longing.
In fact now, when I look back at old family pictures, I see my son.
This is how I know he is living authentically.
Second, I applaud these parents for choosing to side with love and acceptance.
On the toughest days, it will serve as a sturdy foundation for the lessons that follow.
Choosing love is never the wrong thing to do, I tell them.
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