Understanding the difference between niceness vs. kindness in relationships can help you develop authentic connection.
The distinction may seem subtle, but it is significant.
Any connection that is destabilized by truth is one that needs more of it.
Its about not wanting to threaten relational security by being true to ourselves.
Where niceness is self-motivated, kindness is motivated by caring for someone else.
Once the crack is revealed, the true work of authentic togetherness can begin.
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Sometimes what we want to hear (nice) is not what we need to hear (kind).
Just like medicine, it doesnt taste good when it goes down, but ultimately it makes us better.
For example, do you notice you say yes automatically but then feel overwhelmed about completing your commitment?
Do you notice you smile when you feel terrible?
Do you nod along when really you disagree?
Do you feel misunderstood and dont speak up?
These are examples of situations when you may be choosing niceness over authenticity and being known.
When we say yes to everyone else, we say no to ourselves.
Are you often feeling like you give more than you get?
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Rolling your eyes at the requests of others but smiling to their face?
Talking about them but not to them?
Feeling like you dont matter as much to others as they matter to you?
Just because you have the capacity to give, doesnt mean you have to.
This is called amygdala hijackingwhen emotions override the brains ability to respond rationally.
When you are clear, you are kind.
It takes time to reframe the belief that nice is good and honesty that creates disharmony is bad.
Give yourself space to get acquainted with a new way of thinking.
Are you living your life in alignment with these values?
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