And a partners capacity to respond to this and reciprocate this growth in vulnerability reflects their level ofemotional availability.
Thats right: Its possible for a loving partner who once seemed fully invested tobecomeemotionally unavailable.
What does emotional unavailability look like?
Often, the extent of someones emotional availability is something youll run up against early in a relationship.
In real life, this might happen a few weeks or months into dating.
But emotional unavailability cuts this cycle short.
licensed clinical psychologist and author ofNo Perfect Love
What causes emotional unavailability to develop?
Much of theresearch on emotional unavailability ties it to attachment theory.
Theresulting emotional anxiety or flat-out emotional denialcan make being emotionally available a real challenge.
They might think that if they emotionally disconnect, then nothingelsecan hurt them anymore, including their partner.
Take the loss of a loved one or a job, or becoming very physically sick, for example.
They might think that if they emotionally disconnect, then nothingelsecan hurt them anymore, including their partner.
In some cases, mental-health issues could be the culprit, too, says Dr. DiDonato.
Consider the external stressors that people face, says Dr. DiDonato.
At the end of a long stressful day, someone might have little left to give to their partner.
licensed clinical psychologist and author ofNo Perfect Love
And their becoming a brick wall will just make it that much harder to do so.
That said, its also unhelpful to simply retreat in response.
Instead, Dr. Nerenberg suggests gently alerting your partner to the change youve noticed.
For example, you might say, Hey, I miss you lately.
Are you open to talking about this?
This can help solidify your connection and ground your relationship as you weather the storms of life together.
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