The mother wound is an attachment trauma that can affect your adult relationships.
Learn the eight signs of a mother wound and how to mend it.
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Other times, a mothers impact can be more profound, leaving you with lasting emotional and psychological idiosyncrasies.
A mother wound isnt a clinical diagnosis like, say, generalized anxiety disorder.
Kate Truitt, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist
Mother wounds, orinner child wounds, may seem unavoidable.
a perinatal mental health and trauma therapist
What is a mother wound?
A childs bond with their primary caregiver plays a crucial role indevelopment and emotional health2.
Typically in American society, a persons mother is their primary caregiver.
Sometimes, the many other challenges of life can collide with a childs needs and desires.
Children may interpret those missed cues as coldness or a lack of care.
Who experiences the mother wound?
For the most part, anyone who has a mother can experience a mother wound, regardless of gender.
But certain individuals might be more at risk of having a mother wound than others.
This theory plays out in research.
a perinatal mental health and trauma therapist
Dr. Truitt
[Mother wounds] can look different from generation to generation, says Dr. Truitt.
Some people model their mothers behavior and other people will pendulum swing to the other side.
They say, I will not be like my mother, but they correct to a different extreme.
What are the symptoms of a mother wound?
Mother wounds manifest in myriad ways that can affect a childeven in adulthoodmentally, emotionally, and physically.
Here are some common signs of a mother wound, according to the experts:
1.
This might mean sitting still during recess and not playing with their friends all day.
The child internalized that to get to have the mothers love, says Dr. Truitt.
In boys, this can look like high-energy, interruptive behavior.
If this self-regulation isnt checked, it can lead to huge emotional outbursts.
They dont want to negatively impact the other persons sense of self.
Were taught who to be and how to be.
What is the difference between the mother wound and the father wound?
Both wounds are due to a parents emotional absence in the childs life, Flores says.
He models strength while the mother models nurturance.
How does a mother wound affect relationships?
Unhealthy attachment styles formed in childhood can have negative effects on a persons intimate relationships well into adulthood.
Someone who has experienced mother wounds will likely not have a secure attachment style, says Flores.
They may choose to distance themselves relationally from others.
The system goes to what it knows and the mother wound creates the foundation of what is known.
As a child, that was the only way she would get the attention of her mother.
It was negative attention, but any attention was better than no attention.
In an effort to avoid being like their mother altogether, a person might also overcorrect.
How do you fix a mother wound?
But experts say there are ways to start healing from your mother wound and other childhood trauma.
Once this vocabulary has been created, start talking about it to someone you trust, Flores suggests.
Reflect on your experiences through creative expression
Having trouble expressing your thoughts with words?
Work on self-compassion
Self-compassion work can be invaluable in healing from any throw in of trauma.
Someself-compassion practicesthat can be helpful include reframing negative self-talk, or documenting your wins or successes.
Seek professional help
A therapist can help you safely and effectively unpack the childhood trauma, says Flores.
How do you not pass on a mother wound?
Ask yourself, What kind of mother do I want to be?
or What kind of woman do I want to be?
Examine how you maintain your own self outside of motherhood.
Sometimes, this is easier said than done.
If thats the case, start by looking into your own mothers history with her mother.
Past pain holds so many secrets to what were experiencing in the present day, Dr. Truitt adds.
Next, ask yourself what is going on?
and switch your pen or pencil to your non-dominant hand.
Writing this way is inherently messy and creates a throughline to more vulnerable types of expression.
Bosmans, Guy, and Jessica L Borelli.
Attachment and the Development of Psychopathology: Introduction to the Special Issue.Brain sciencesvol.
28 Jan. 2022, doi:10.3390/brainsci12020174
Frosch, Cynthia A et al.
Parenting and Child Development: A Relational Health Perspective.American journal of lifestyle medicinevol.
2019, doi:10.1177/1559827619849028
Kretchmar, Molly D, and Deborah B Jacobvitz.
Observing mother-child relationships across generations: boundary patterns, attachment, and the transmission of caregiving.Family processvol.
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